Being Human

Today I created a new word. I’m amazed that of all the billions of words indexed by Google and online dictionaries, this cool new word isn’t listed as a word. Really? I discovered something even Google didn’t know? Amazing. And to think, of the 8 billion people on this planet no one else has thought of this new word either?

Maybe I should trademark it and run off and make millions from “my” word, just like the dude who supposedly created the word ‘yahoo’ and asked for money after-the-fact. Yes, that is what I will do. This is my trademark documenting of this amazing new word.

Here’s the story…

I was up late last night for the second night in a row working on a promo piece. 2 a.m. Whoever claimed writers have easy lives sitting on warm sandy beaches sipping fancy umbrellad drinks all day long was a liar. Well, after a short three-hour nap I got up to start a new day. I eventually dragged myself into the kitchen and tossed together a six-hour slow cooker orange chicken recipe I was dying to try out. Still feeling totally beat I sluggishly went about my regular work day.

That evening when the wife and I later crossed paths at the end of our individual day of work she asked me how the meal turned out. I didn’t care for the texture and told her so. She asked if I had cooked it on high. I smugly said, “…no way. The recipe stated in bold “calphabets” that the food must be cooked on the LOW setting of the Crockpot.”

We both paused for a moment. And then burst out laughing.

She said she had no clue what I was trying to say. “You know”, I said, “alphabets that are in all caps. Cal-pha-bets.”

At the time in my delirium calphabets made complete sense to me. Fortunately I wasn’t behind the wheel of a vehicle in that stupid moment. As a copywriter the worst injury sleep deprivation can cause is stupidity in speech. Or maybe a paper cut.

Needless to say, shortly after my wife and I exchanged giggles over this new word -–at my expense– I went to bed early. I couldn’t risk damaging my ego any further. No third night in a row of working till next morning.

Sometimes creating something new can be embarrassing. I just proved it. This isn’t a word I can use with pride. It’s just a word. My word.

Hey. No one has registered Calphabets.com. So if you do run off and register a domain for ‘my’ new word you owe me trademark money—especially if you figure how to monetize this word, as the folks at Yahoo.com did.

Wow. I’m dreaming of all the cash I will be able to spend as a result of dreaming up this new word. Right after I come back to reality.


UPDATE: I just found out that ‘cAlphabets’ is a programming string in c++ programming. So there goes my hopes of instant millions. Guess I’ve got to work to earn my income just like everyone else. Welcome to being human :)