Being Human

Today I created a new word. I’m amazed that of all the billions of words indexed by Google and online dictionaries, this cool new word isn’t listed as a word. Really? I discovered something even Google didn’t know? Amazing. And to think, of the 8 billion people on this planet no one else has thought of this new word either?

Maybe I should trademark it and run off and make millions from “my” word, just like the dude who supposedly created the word ‘yahoo’ and asked for money after-the-fact. Yes, that is what I will do. This is my trademark documenting of this amazing new word.

Here’s the story…

I was up late last night for the second night in a row working on a promo piece. 2 a.m. Whoever claimed writers have easy lives sitting on warm sandy beaches sipping fancy umbrellad drinks all day long was a liar. Well, after a short three-hour nap I got up to start a new day. I eventually dragged myself into the kitchen and tossed together a six-hour slow cooker orange chicken recipe I was dying to try out. Still feeling totally beat I sluggishly went about my regular work day.

That evening when the wife and I later crossed paths at the end of our individual day of work she asked me how the meal turned out. I didn’t care for the texture and told her so. She asked if I had cooked it on high. I smugly said, “…no way. The recipe stated in bold “calphabets” that the food must be cooked on the LOW setting of the Crockpot.”

We both paused for a moment. And then burst out laughing.

She said she had no clue what I was trying to say. “You know”, I said, “alphabets that are in all caps. Cal-pha-bets.”

At the time in my delirium calphabets made complete sense to me. Fortunately I wasn’t behind the wheel of a vehicle in that stupid moment. As a copywriter the worst injury sleep deprivation can cause is stupidity in speech. Or maybe a paper cut.

Needless to say, shortly after my wife and I exchanged giggles over this new word -–at my expense– I went to bed early. I couldn’t risk damaging my ego any further. No third night in a row of working till next morning.

Sometimes creating something new can be embarrassing. I just proved it. This isn’t a word I can use with pride. It’s just a word. My word.

Hey. No one has registered So if you do run off and register a domain for ‘my’ new word you owe me trademark money—especially if you figure how to monetize this word, as the folks at did.

Wow. I’m dreaming of all the cash I will be able to spend as a result of dreaming up this new word. Right after I come back to reality.

UPDATE: I just found out that ‘cAlphabets’ is a programming string in c++ programming. So there goes my hopes of instant millions. Guess I’ve got to work to earn my income just like everyone else. Welcome to being human :)